I ever wished to tell you this, but don’t know, am i so coward, or am so in-confident?
Writing in me, though is your gift, that i acquired. Being brought up with grand ma, away from you, i never could attach a meaning to your existence in my life, your importance for me. Unlike grand-ma, whom i could say anything, share my feelings, share my emotions my inner-self, things ever seemed difficult when it came to you. Years passed, and so i grew, but being relating to you at 14years of age, or more appropriate, after 14 years, was like being with a stranger, whom i din’t knew! And a person to whom i never felt comfy at opening myself up with. Though, it was more a misery at your place, but if you were in my shoes, might i wouldn’t ever be said wrong too! You did your best to start conversations with me, knowing what i’m like, what i do, what i don’t, whom i’m with, my friends, my hobbies, my dreams…
But maybe…i never felt anything worth sharing to a strange lady, i was compelled to be with, all of a sudden! Peer pressure and at the same time, all the hormonal changes incurring in me, and then being with you! It felt as it was the hardest thing decided for me by god, as if he was punishing me for some sin. Being a shy and reserved kid, i started writing you pieces of letters, telling you about my stuffs, sometimes telling that i don’t like how you cook! writing that i don’t like speaking to you, saying that don’t keep waiting for me for lunch and dinners. But all i wrote was in English that you couldn’t read, cause you studied the regional language. Being so helpless, you would reach out to our neighbors, asking for, what was written? I realize, how embarrassing it had been for you, to go to others, for knowing my heart. And how low i have made you feel during that one year. But i was just a teen, in my world, where i couldn’t understand, how it was like to be in your shoes.
As days passed, we got together, having our meals together. You’ll get me up for schools, pack for me my breakfast, and gently kiss me bye, as i be stepping out the home. It felt weird, but i felt, that was a way we could come closer. Trying your best to play your part in my life. Also writing me back, telling me your feelings, your pain, all the things you went through, the reasons for not being with me all these years and the reasons for my rudeness to you. Slowly, my heart synchronized with yours, but still lot was left to come!
Through the days of my hardships to the days of my success, through the times of despair to the times of my smiles, i found you, next to me, with your care and love, nurturing me with the best you could. I saw you being sleepless with me, while i was preparing for my every exam, and then your being restless till i returned back from the examination. And all those days, when i fell sick, you would forget yourself, even your meals. In my pain, it were you crying every time..When i was fooled in love, it was your love that helped me get through it…
Your love for me, felt as it ever was there. only I blind not to see. Being my strength, all your sufferings, i worked my best, to wipe away those pages from your life, that made you sad. And its your efforts, that i could be what i am today, everything i owe to you. Though not an achiever yet, but yes, am not a loser too. And whatever i am doing today and everything else that i’ll do tomorrow, its possible only cause i have you…only cause you love me…eomma!!
My adoring mother…. thanks for being my mom. Thanks for putting your trust on me, thanks for understanding me, and a million thanks for every little thing.. am spell bound!! for no words can express my gratitude, my emotions, having you with me…. a wonderful lady, an iron lady for my life.. more than an inspiration.. more than jesus for me… eomma… all i want to say is.. I LOVE YOU FROM THE DEPTH OF MY HEART ❤