Love is beyond imagination, it doesn’t sees the barriers of time or ages nor language or cultures and neither the color, creed, race nor that of the species….
As I think about the magical days god showered onto me, am swept away with the innocence and your trust, your faith on me! Your belief being the truest and strongest… Might god sent you in my life just to teach me yet another beautiful meaning of loving and being loved.
“Flora”, a mighty chick of a wild bird, suddenly entered into my life as my patient being bruised with critical head injuries and lacerations on feet. At first i wasn’t sure if i could save you. Secondly, i never planned of keeping you forever with me.. Had that compassion but never that attachment to be unable to coe up without you..
From the time we started living under one roof, i gradually shifted from just being your clinician to a guardian and then to a mother. I was filled with tremendous joy when you started eating on your own, picking food with your tiny small beak. It was already three months past that we lived together but you never made a noice. I felt you are dumb bird. But on a good day, i heard you communicate back to my voices, singing ….That joy can’t be compared, it was and has been a big achievement.
And one day suddenly you took first flight!! I was for a while dumb-struck, i couldn’t believe you having that inborn instincts to follow and succeed. Happiness ran through my body like a thunder lightening. I celebrated. I danced, i sang and best among all, i sang with you, i danced with you. Shed those tears of gratitude towards god for each miraculous moment i lived with you.
In that span of events, i couldn’t tok notice when you became mine, a better part of me, someone i wouldn’t imagine my life without…Beyond the species-barriers, you raised me to the highest feeling of my existence, being your mother…..each day, has been a gift.. And I’ve been so very blessed to be one…Thanks for coming into my life, love you ❤
Watching your face as I woke up, felt god’s biggest gift to me. And untiringly staying awake whole night just to be sure to be there by your side when you need, nothing on earth could have been more satisfying than that. Before eating my breakfast at first place, feeding you had been more important. And somehow, I had been glowing beautiful in this love! You made me one 🙂
But the greatest fear a mother can have……what if I couldn’t be by your side? Would you starve to death without my presence? Was it right t make you dependent on me for every little thing needed? Or must i had tried a harsh way to teach you the basics of life, to be alive? Or was i over-possessive? Or was i acting little selfish on my part? I often got entangled with these thoughts and then would be sinking even deeper in a vanity trial of finding the answers! All i was left was with your innocent face, your sweet voice that filled into my solitary life a new melody, a new reason to be happy, a new reason to live for. The soft tender feeling of your skin as i held you, softest than the softest thing on earth. My most delicate belonging, my most precious thing, that i couldn’t even imagine of sharing with anyone… Did you knew what you had made out of me? A greedy woman! A selfish one! An over-possessive mother. Yes! your mother. And did you knew, how each beat of my heart started by watching you are safe and breathing.
Days never stop taking it’s pace and as i was learning more about you and me, you were already grown to take your first step. That might be a normal thing in every parent’s life. But for me? Watching you take steps without my being taught you, how could i ever had taught you?When i was unable to walk at first place? Somehow god knew my heart, knew my emotions and he blessed me by watching you do things that i couldn’t do. Tears rolled down to eventually wet my apparel. The joy you brought to me…… is priceless, nothing could buy it even if one gives away the universe.
With you i was growing to be more what a mother could be!Being occupied by you all the way working and surrounded by all the small little things you did and then rushing back home from the work just to re-live every bit of us!! Had the stars been much gracious on me. My life could never be such blessed. To be loved! To be having you. Did you knew by then, what you meant to an “empty-heart”? And how much i loved you/ Could i ever find words to tell you that? I………love you so much my child….And naming you..Flora” a name that ever had been close to my heart…I wished you flourished well like the green trees, bloomed like the colorful flowers, stayed happy like the butterflies and brightening, shining like the morning sunshine.. After all……you had been a better part of ME!
Thanks for making me who i am…..!!
The loneliness is no way around now! I feel more secure, more complete and I could see the colors being painted on the canvas of my heart. The only reason is “you”. And melodies of song dissolving my worries at the very instant as i look to your face. Nothing better could I ask from God to have given me.
My biggest worries from the exhaustion of office-work suddenly changed into having you fed! The reason for my being sleepless suddenly changed from the pending files to your safety! And winters seemed to be time for me to keep the warmth surrounding your body, the instances where the chilled winds had no bearing on my skin, rather taking all my concern just to keep you wrapped in my love! Beautiful flowers to be blooming all around, everywhere i go, whatever i see!
How time changes! Really! What a transition, from being a chaotic person to being a reliable one. These colors of trust and a feeling of being everything for you, i really could touch the skies, i really started feeling so very special. You! What is the magic you have brought to my life? You! Which spell have you cast on me?
Why this bondage doesn’t seem to be fetters but instead they have set me free? How have i turned more worrisome for someone else rather than for my own being? Could you see this glow on my face? The rainbows in my eyes your love has brought to me? Could you see these smiles covering my face ever since you’ve came to my life?
You! How have you been become, “a better part of me”.
Those sunny days and the burning sun. Evaporating the life out of the body and the hectic of the schedules where one was compelled to escape the meals. I hardly remember the day when i had a full eight-hour sleep. Days were turning to night and pages being turned on calenders. Things would have never changed unless that day when you first entered into my life!
Not only you taught me to be a responsible person but also you helped me change my routine, my life, in a word, you changed the one i used to be. It was magical and i possessed by you, enjoyed every breath of my existence. I traveled to places i had never ever been and from the days of missed breakfasts and lunches i reverted to a schedule of full stomach every day.
Was it just a dream? I still can’t believe what i had been gifted with! The best that could ever happen in a woman’s life, in my life. Grace of God, that i was blessed this way. A new meaning to my life, to my existence, to my being me! Along with you, i lived each day of my childhood so clearly.
It feels my life has a meaning after you came into my life. Thanks for coming in my life ❤
With my golden wings i was conquering my skies and i loved how suddenly time made me special. This is what i wanted from life, not being an ordinary person but being special until that day which completely changed my life, my identity, my thoughts, my everything.
Until that day i was brimming with pride for being that special in life when i watched the mere difference of just one moment defining life and death. I had been trained to overcome conditions like that but i never came across such circumstance of rescuing a life through my job of being a fire-fighter until that dark night. Owning the crown on my head i had been extinguishing rivers of fire, fields of flames and controlling the holocausts. And i had been happy doing that. But as it’s said, things are planned and every thing happens for a cause.
Wearing my uniform, stepping inside the building through the extension-ladder and peeking through my helmet, i noticed someone breaking out through the clouds of smoke, yelling to be saved, struggling through the flames. Others were carrying the water-hoses, the foam extinguishers and other tools, so it was my work then to save that person. Adrenaline gushed through my veins and it was the moment either to turn my back or to reach my hands through those hazy “black-hole”. At that multi-storeyed building, from that height, he kept saying me to be an angel sent by God to save his life and i was so uncertain if i could save him along with my life or we both going to be baked together. Breaking the window i entered into that room to find him stuck under the trashed pillar colored red with the blood from his bruises and injuries. Even under such destitute condition, his eyes were shining bright with hopes and it was his trust which kept my will ignited even if it costed my life. I decided not to surrender no matter what happens. I blinked my eye i ran into him to pull him out, carried him on my back, blew my whistle and jumped blindly onto the trampoline stretched by other crew members at the ground.
Million thoughts ran into my mind that time. In a short duration i could see myself growing up from that stubborn child to a “fire-fighter” and raising more from being an ordinary man to this elated prestige of an angel. Life which i never regarded more than a phase suddenly taught me the meaning to be living. Traversing the leaps from death to breaths i learnt why my father loved this job and why my brother too joined it without any issues, why my family wanted me to pursue this career and why i was given this gift of life?
The man i shared my breaths with, was being treated under intensive care due to severe injuries and burn while i, with my negligent scratches and bruises, waiting outside that hospital room, on being noticed by that man’s family, all of a sudden became god! They were thanking me, praising me, giving me blessings, incarnating me to be his image. When i rose above the reality of my being, was i wanting all such treatment? It truly was my reward that he was alive but more than that i found myself to be what i am? I had a sleepless night that day, wandering through that “leap” over and over again, digging deep through my soul and churning my existence. Life was more than what i thought it was.
I woke up to a new life the next day. I all of a sudden became a hero with a special treatment, that i had been running behind since years. But realizing the true meanings, enlightening my existence what i now wanted from life, was to be just an ordinary man. The tags of being special, were heavy enough that my shoulders could bear, something more than what i could afford in this life. Finally being known all the secrets, i no longer was what i was yesterday, i found the reason for my living, my existing and i felt blessed to be what i am. I realized it was hard to be special but easier to be just an ordinary man!! 🙂
Soon the training ended and i along with my new friends started working at the government institute. Unaware of the secret where life was taking me, at which pace and leading me to which lands? Things were more complicated than what it actually appeared like. Sooner i was completely absorbed with the monotonous schedule, but was my mind deviated from those thoughts of young age? I could never waver away from my dream of just not existing, boiled blood through my veins kept gushing making me stronger with every heart beat.
Through the sirens and the lights, sometimes working over-time without having notice of night or the day, i was moving unconditionally, unknowingly to follow my family-job. Investing more of my dreams to earn more of me. Often this question came ringing in my head for what i really want to be? Days had eventually taught me the real meanings of my life, but i guess i was scared to accept the truth or more coward to keep feeding my pride with my purported beliefs. As if i was living a dual life between reality and aspirations, introspecting deeply but failing to find my answers.
To be a part of rescue team implied an identity to my name, to my existence and more importantly now i realized the hidden secret why my father wanted me to be a part of this profession. Each day brought me new challenges and each day i learnt new tactics to keep alive. Risking my own breaths for a noble cause made my life so exciting. I no longer remained that stubborn person i once used to be. Not only my relations with my family was taking a new shape, but also my outlook towards myself, my friends, this life was budding happily.
Whatever i did in life, all i wanted was to be special and being in this sphere of life, though with a hundred countrymen, i still felt that am special. Might my hunger for such a recognition in the society kept making me more greedy with each passing day and being a part of this work kept feeding my selfish desires. Time was pacing smoothly and somewhere that adamant boy was fading slowly into the pages of time. How wonderful it was to be different from the crowd, having your own name, having an identity not cause of your family-background, but entirely because of your own work! The very thought tickled me even when i was asleep. With my golden wings i was conquering my skies and i loved how suddenly time made me special. This is what i wanted from life, not being an ordinary person but being special until….
to be continued……………………..
I never wanted to be just an ordinary person existing on this planet, i wanted to be special, i want to be special is what i kept thinking. But why life at this stage looked as kind of betraying me after the fair pledges of roads of roses and lilies. I had no doors left to knock at after i ran out of the credits, had no shelter to take instead to crawl back to that home which in these days started appearing to be an alien-land to me and all the members being my biggest enemies.
Soon i had to realize i have to abide by the words of my father, even though i had part time jobs at city cafe and the fun-land but the money i earned was in no means sufficient to land me into an established business of my dreams, which could only be realized once i had monetary support from the family. I felt to pass on these days of struggle following their views and aspirations for me till the day i gain their confidence to finally get the jackpot to start my business. Being up-brought in such an atmosphere to have developed in me this stubbornness, i under no means thought to surrender what i wanted, not to anyone, not at any cost, this i promised myself.
Then came those days of training that eventually felt as breaking each of my bones and churning my entire viscera each day to leave me exterminated and consuming my night in recollecting the broken pieces scattered after the spine-breaking days of labor. Merely passing those days was all i thought and i endured with all the pain putting my every effort in getting through those days. Through the tedious of the days one thing kept screwing me days and night why my father chose this profession and why my brother too followed his footsteps? I kept questioning my inner-self striving to find the unknown answers hidden in the pages of time. But i could never reach to any conclusion through the blind-folded darkness. And when days became weeks and weeks changed to months i couldn’t take hold of. But one thing that even then occupied my heart was my dream. It never left my side through the changes of seasons.
Soon the training ended and i along with my new friends started working at the government institute. Unaware of the secret where life was taking me, at which pace and leading me to which lands? Things were………..
Life had ever been so bright and i don’t remember of any of my wishes being denied by my parents. Rather i must say, being the youngest sibling in the family i ever had the advantage of getting my dreams come true even before the words were murmured at my lips. Knowing of all the immunities i was born with, no doubt i have been a real annoyance to my elder brother and the two sisters as i have ever been the “king” owning all the new stuffs, all their gifts and everything they have. Maybe this has been the cause why i had been a stubborn kid, fearless of doing any sort of thing cause deep inside i knew, they adore me more than any one else in the family and they would always stand by my side no matter what i did or if also i was wrong. So negligent of my actions, so wicked in my thoughts and what not.
To me life and death were just phases, more simply death seemed to be an end to the suffering. And the meaning to be alive was the late night hang outs, wines and babes, driving at the breakneck speeds, owning the branded wardrobe and the accessories and lot of greens in my pocket. This was how i looked at life till this day where time landed me unknowingly, silently and more kind of planned for me to teach me what it actually meant. Being mischievous, all i aspired to become was a business tycoon against my family history. But at this turn of life i found everyone else in the family standing against my side. I really wanted to run away from home that day, for i never learnt to hear “no”. I couldn’t imagine why now they won’t agree with me? Though i never was denied of anything i ever asked or wished for? Then why now?
I was so frustrated that day that i filled myself completely with alcohol and didn’t returned back home for days. For couple of weeks i avoided talking to either of my family members and for a while was indulged in drug-addictions too. Never thought i was going to be like this, standing all alone in the dark, with none around, none on my side, as if i ever was alone. I never wanted to be just an ordinary person existing on this planet, i wanted to be special, i want to be special is what i kept thinking. But….
to be continued …………………………………………………………..