With my golden wings i was conquering my skies and i loved how suddenly time made me special. This is what i wanted from life, not being an ordinary person but being special until that day which completely changed my life, my identity, my thoughts, my everything.
Until that day i was brimming with pride for being that special in life when i watched the mere difference of just one moment defining life and death. I had been trained to overcome conditions like that but i never came across such circumstance of rescuing a life through my job of being a fire-fighter until that dark night. Owning the crown on my head i had been extinguishing rivers of fire, fields of flames and controlling the holocausts. And i had been happy doing that. But as it’s said, things are planned and every thing happens for a cause.
Wearing my uniform, stepping inside the building through the extension-ladder and peeking through my helmet, i noticed someone breaking out through the clouds of smoke, yelling to be saved, struggling through the flames. Others were carrying the water-hoses, the foam extinguishers and other tools, so it was my work then to save that person. Adrenaline gushed through my veins and it was the moment either to turn my back or to reach my hands through those hazy “black-hole”. At that multi-storeyed building, from that height, he kept saying me to be an angel sent by God to save his life and i was so uncertain if i could save him along with my life or we both going to be baked together. Breaking the window i entered into that room to find him stuck under the trashed pillar colored red with the blood from his bruises and injuries. Even under such destitute condition, his eyes were shining bright with hopes and it was his trust which kept my will ignited even if it costed my life. I decided not to surrender no matter what happens. I blinked my eye i ran into him to pull him out, carried him on my back, blew my whistle and jumped blindly onto the trampoline stretched by other crew members at the ground.
Million thoughts ran into my mind that time. In a short duration i could see myself growing up from that stubborn child to a “fire-fighter” and raising more from being an ordinary man to this elated prestige of an angel. Life which i never regarded more than a phase suddenly taught me the meaning to be living. Traversing the leaps from death to breaths i learnt why my father loved this job and why my brother too joined it without any issues, why my family wanted me to pursue this career and why i was given this gift of life?
The man i shared my breaths with, was being treated under intensive care due to severe injuries and burn while i, with my negligent scratches and bruises, waiting outside that hospital room, on being noticed by that man’s family, all of a sudden became god! They were thanking me, praising me, giving me blessings, incarnating me to be his image. When i rose above the reality of my being, was i wanting all such treatment? It truly was my reward that he was alive but more than that i found myself to be what i am? I had a sleepless night that day, wandering through that “leap” over and over again, digging deep through my soul and churning my existence. Life was more than what i thought it was.
I woke up to a new life the next day. I all of a sudden became a hero with a special treatment, that i had been running behind since years. But realizing the true meanings, enlightening my existence what i now wanted from life, was to be just an ordinary man. The tags of being special, were heavy enough that my shoulders could bear, something more than what i could afford in this life. Finally being known all the secrets, i no longer was what i was yesterday, i found the reason for my living, my existing and i felt blessed to be what i am. I realized it was hard to be special but easier to be just an ordinary man!! 🙂
Soon the training ended and i along with my new friends started working at the government institute. Unaware of the secret where life was taking me, at which pace and leading me to which lands? Things were more complicated than what it actually appeared like. Sooner i was completely absorbed with the monotonous schedule, but was my mind deviated from those thoughts of young age? I could never waver away from my dream of just not existing, boiled blood through my veins kept gushing making me stronger with every heart beat.
Through the sirens and the lights, sometimes working over-time without having notice of night or the day, i was moving unconditionally, unknowingly to follow my family-job. Investing more of my dreams to earn more of me. Often this question came ringing in my head for what i really want to be? Days had eventually taught me the real meanings of my life, but i guess i was scared to accept the truth or more coward to keep feeding my pride with my purported beliefs. As if i was living a dual life between reality and aspirations, introspecting deeply but failing to find my answers.
To be a part of rescue team implied an identity to my name, to my existence and more importantly now i realized the hidden secret why my father wanted me to be a part of this profession. Each day brought me new challenges and each day i learnt new tactics to keep alive. Risking my own breaths for a noble cause made my life so exciting. I no longer remained that stubborn person i once used to be. Not only my relations with my family was taking a new shape, but also my outlook towards myself, my friends, this life was budding happily.
Whatever i did in life, all i wanted was to be special and being in this sphere of life, though with a hundred countrymen, i still felt that am special. Might my hunger for such a recognition in the society kept making me more greedy with each passing day and being a part of this work kept feeding my selfish desires. Time was pacing smoothly and somewhere that adamant boy was fading slowly into the pages of time. How wonderful it was to be different from the crowd, having your own name, having an identity not cause of your family-background, but entirely because of your own work! The very thought tickled me even when i was asleep. With my golden wings i was conquering my skies and i loved how suddenly time made me special. This is what i wanted from life, not being an ordinary person but being special until….
to be continued……………………..
I never wanted to be just an ordinary person existing on this planet, i wanted to be special, i want to be special is what i kept thinking. But why life at this stage looked as kind of betraying me after the fair pledges of roads of roses and lilies. I had no doors left to knock at after i ran out of the credits, had no shelter to take instead to crawl back to that home which in these days started appearing to be an alien-land to me and all the members being my biggest enemies.
Soon i had to realize i have to abide by the words of my father, even though i had part time jobs at city cafe and the fun-land but the money i earned was in no means sufficient to land me into an established business of my dreams, which could only be realized once i had monetary support from the family. I felt to pass on these days of struggle following their views and aspirations for me till the day i gain their confidence to finally get the jackpot to start my business. Being up-brought in such an atmosphere to have developed in me this stubbornness, i under no means thought to surrender what i wanted, not to anyone, not at any cost, this i promised myself.
Then came those days of training that eventually felt as breaking each of my bones and churning my entire viscera each day to leave me exterminated and consuming my night in recollecting the broken pieces scattered after the spine-breaking days of labor. Merely passing those days was all i thought and i endured with all the pain putting my every effort in getting through those days. Through the tedious of the days one thing kept screwing me days and night why my father chose this profession and why my brother too followed his footsteps? I kept questioning my inner-self striving to find the unknown answers hidden in the pages of time. But i could never reach to any conclusion through the blind-folded darkness. And when days became weeks and weeks changed to months i couldn’t take hold of. But one thing that even then occupied my heart was my dream. It never left my side through the changes of seasons.
Soon the training ended and i along with my new friends started working at the government institute. Unaware of the secret where life was taking me, at which pace and leading me to which lands? Things were………..
Indeed!! you are sunshine baby… so self-lifting, am gonna keep this to lift my heart up during days of frustration 🙂 thanks so much for sharing this Deanne..so makes me feel bright..my sunshine baby ❤
It’s painful to see what world is moving towards these days, turning face from truth and washing hands against taking up the responsibility for their deeds..Poor lives to pay for the pleasure of such “brutal-killers”
Wish for a day where man is not a killer..
ألسلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
“If you really love me, you must abort this baby! You don’t have any choice!” said a young man threateningly. The girl looked so sad.
“It’s our baby, dear! We should keep it!”
“I can’t live with that baby! I’m a student, you know that! I don’t have job.
“You’re a COWARD!!!” said a girl crestfallen.
“I don’t care what you said! I give you 5 minutes to think!” The young man looked at her angrily.
Finally, the girl aborted her baby for keeping her relationship with her boy friend. She felt shy if she had a baby without husband. Astaghfirullah!
If the baby can express its feeling, perhaps it will says, “My parents hated me. I don’t know their reason exactly. Why they aborted me? They had broken my body, hurt my heart…
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Thanks so much for sharing this. Now or then we often come across molestation during work or on roads, hear bad-mouthed comments about ourselves and the most horrible the violence thing. This post gives kind of a positive attitude towards dealing with all the frustration and makes feel strong 🙂
Just in case, it can motivate other ladies in their work 🙂
Ladies!! keep rocking 🙂
I’ve been building this list for a while, but was particularly compelled to publish it after the whole Patricia Arquette debacle at the Oscars. A critique of her lack of intersectionality is warranted. She absolutely messed up. But it was the instant swarm and rapid shredding of a spotlight moment that sank my feminist heart. There was an opportunity for all social justice movements to seize a moment for what it was — a mainstream opportunity to elevate the important issue of women’s access to equalpay — and instead we lambasted PA for her imperfections. The result: No one wins.
In this list, I hope we can rebuild and support a robust and intersectional feminist discourse. There’s a lot of work to do, and we can start by learning and hearing everyone’s voice. This list is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of the diversity of the feminist movement…
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Thanks SB for the inspiration 🙂
Its so beautiful..
Enjoy the rain while it last
It will not last forever”
It is now or never, life has no certainties, it is just approaching its final destination someday, so live to the fullest, so no regrets are left at the final day..
This is so wonderful . Thanks Deanne for sharing this 🙂
That is so a wonderful teaching Eva, a message filled with so much to learn from. The scars do remain that can’t be replaced, Wish we all learn to forgive and let go the anger. Thanks for sharing this wonderful post 🙂
Hope this be of worth to others too 🙂
Love and hugs 🙂
By: Author Unknown
ألسلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
بارك الله فيكم
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day, the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all, he told to his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The…
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Life has always been a fantasy.Dream world being the best place to be. And planning for the future is worth a thing to spare the best of one’s time. Have always been dreaming and then working for it. Is it pleasing? Or am i so selfish about what i desire to get. I wonder how these dreams keep me moving and going forward till i reach to it and then picking up another so i could keep going without a break. How i decide which one to choose and how my heart starts believing on things never seen, things that never were..
Perceiving a dream..as if am building a castle, brick by brick, pillar by pillar, slowly and slowly..each day..without getting chained by a monotonous schedule or a monotonous dream! What keeps me spirited and keeps alive the enthusiasm over repeated cycles of dreams, perceptions, efforts and a dilemma that sometimes embraces my will, trying to thwart my steps ahead. But the next moment, am standing back at the battle field, with all my weapons needed.
Even as days pass, one dream replaces other and so..nothing stops.. Even as am entangled with other realities of life, the emotions, love and hatred, pain and laughter, family stuffs and the expectations of the materialistic world….still…one thing has never left my side….my endless dreams…that even if going gets tough, motivate me to sail through the hardest of the day or toughest of the night, to an endless journey…telling me…its just the beginning and still, what i recall from those childhood days beautiful lines by my favorite poet, “Robert Frost“- “Miles to before i sleep…miles to go before i sleep”.
An endless journey…..till i breathe 🙂